we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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