I got chris browned last night
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
