Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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