She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
