I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Still dying that you shit outside
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Randomize
