3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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