I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
