***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
