Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
