Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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