they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
