woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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