I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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