My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
