he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
