its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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