If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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