I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize