Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
