If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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