Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
