Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You can't special order awesome
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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