I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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