So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
