Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
