he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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