I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize