What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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