Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
