If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
