Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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