fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We left an ass print on the piano.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
