so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize