im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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