You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
