I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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