haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
