Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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