A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
