Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
