You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
