this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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