The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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