So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
