He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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