you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize