my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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