Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
