I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
