Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You ruined the universe
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
