Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just had sex on a roof
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
