i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
