Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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