My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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