I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
God, you're like boner-b-gone
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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