Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
