You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize