How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I smell stomach acid.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
