Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
