Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
