Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
