drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
