New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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