Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
In America we eat man semen.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Even my vagina gasped.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
