I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
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