She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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